Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Lines Inspired By The Fishing Moon

By: K. Harvey

Moon went fishing on the dimpled snow,
Simple Venus for a lure.
He had cast across the violet sky,
(The black sky was unfrozen)
Over the violent snow melting.

Alas, and for a rocket with four hundred and ninety lights,
To make moon think the sun is on the river and standing still.
The sun is a treader of water.

We dive below the celestial current swinging into a still eternity
Onto the bed where we have not yet slept,
To the overflowing cup collecting memories,
Our memories that have ended and descended into night;
Below the curled water
Which passed in the sun,
That was curling when it wet our ankles,
That was passing...
From the bed where sleep is brushed away by blinking eyes,
Where we dreamed that we were fearing death
And thought that we would live forever.

Eve will never be forgiven for her womb.
At the tomb of Venus there we leave our sleeping breath.

So why is it for me to be expending breath on the melting snow
And wondering could I reach at least the lure
Or one shore or the other?
The sun is a treader of water.
The river is the dream
Where we sleep watching the moon fishing and the snow melting
And moving. passing
Gaping to awaken with our tongue on a sweet hook.


K. Jan Harvey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
K. Jan Harvey said...

What I refer to as "the fishing moon" occurred on a somewhat warm winter night, as spring was approaching, in the sky over snow that had melted into shapes resembling sand moved by underwater currents. It was a full moon, extremely bright on the semi-melted snow, and opposite in the sky from the next-brightest celestial body, Venus. A line was imagined tracing an arc from one end of the night sky to the other, as if in the motion of casting.

JHitts said...

Uhh...isn't the whole point of the poem to try and explain what you just said in two sentences? I mean, the poem seems to explain itself through the imagery you use - the first stanza gets the picture in there pretty well.

At least, it does after a second or third reading. I think the syntax in that first stanza might be a little doesn't seem to flow naturally to me. The rhythm is fine, I think, but when I say it out loud it trips me up - "lure" seems to be a bit of a tongue-twister. Especially since it's one of those weird words which can be pronounced a few ways despite being one syllable. Is it "l-HER" or "loo-HER" or "looooo-er?" I think that's a problem, and that weird syllable makes the second line end a bit too abruptly for the way the rhythm works in the rest of the poem.

Again, maybe that's intentional on your part, but I find it makes for a difficult flow, especially since the last three lines of the stanza run smoothly off the tongue. And when I read it in my head I have to stop and think about it for a minute and it disrupts my focus on the actual meaning of the words.

I think you've done very well with that part of it. I can see the images you're trying to get across, the scene you're trying to set. So I think that part of it is very good. Just that first stanza, I think, might trip people up (in my opinion).

Also, what is the "rocket with four hundred and ninety lights"?

Vanessa said...

I think "Simple Venus for a lure" has great imagery. Venus as a lure--as in, a fishing lure. Something that attracts and physically pulls something in. But also, you mean Venus allures, right?

And do you also mean to imply that Venus pulls attention from to moon to her/it?